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Man Points
An Overview Man points are the single most important things on earth, they help men keep track of who's ahead and who's needing a boost of testosterone. Rules and Guidelines Man points are very important. For example, in the future you might be asked when in an interview for a job, how many man points you have. This is a trick question, because only women keep track of man points. Women keep track of man points to see how far they will go with you on their first date.The number of man points that you have determines whether or not you will make it into heaven*. Man points are awarded by other men (and sometimes women) based on a mans actions. *God does not keep track of man points he justs automatically knows how many you have because he is God. Basic Ways to earn Man Points #Keeping a woman in her place. (i.e. raising children, kitchen, bedroom). #Manipulating people into doing work for you. #Being manly and exhibiting your manliness in any way, shape, or form. #Having more than one girlfriend/wife/fiance. #Discussing your manliness with other men in the locker room in an ungay way. #Comparing "dating" notes with other men. #Killing another animal. # Eating what you killed. # Winning at any sport or other competition between other men. (excludes soccer, or any other european sports) # Sporting any kind of facial hair. # Swimming across the Arkansas river with nothing but a fun noodle. # Showing up for a war when it starts, not three years in to it. # Completeing any game on its hardest setting. # Fixing or repairing anything that was about to be discarded. # Being a gentleman. # Starting a fire. # Hosting a BBQ. #Customising your car in any way. (adding offensive remarks gains additional points) Basic Ways to Lose Man Points #Crying. #Saying something is "cute". (I lost man points for typing that) #Referring to a book other that the Bible. #Subtracting Man Points in factors other than 5. (i.e. -452) #Being "whipped" #Owning a terrier. #Shopping (which includes food or clothing, car shopping is fine because its not shopping its car hunting) #Owning any pink piece of clothing. #Having a girlfriend/fiance/wife who isn't there for the sole purposes of sex, raising children, or staying in the kitchen. #Sleeping over at another mans house without having some sort of sports-related party. #Making a sandwich for yourself. #Not keeping track of Man Points. # Wearing Jorts period. In fact if this is done, all other men are to personally revoke your mancard. # Singing along to any type of music other than heavy metal. # Wearing any kind of makeup. # Taking more than 10 minuets to get ready. # Moaning about things that dont really matter. # Worring about anything. # Declining to take on any stupidity challenge. # Being thrown around by your partner. # Losing all lifes on the first level of any game. # Owning a diary. Fatal Blows The following things not only result in a massive loss of man points, but also make you elligable for kill yourself points as well. *Calling your Hand Jill *Being French *Liking "Mamma Mia" or "Sex And The City" ** Knowing which of the above was both a movie and a musical and which was a movie based on a TV show *Watching or reading any of the Twilight Books or Movies (even if getting some while watching the film. *Admitting you're wrong, A real Man is never wrong no matter what (e.g. George W. Bush, Richard Nixon, Stephen). *Being a Fence Rider (not taking a side in any issue, NEUTRALITY). *Masturbating to Gay Porn (excludes lesbians) *Masturbating to a porno with more than one dick. Special Cases When unsure whether or not a person loses man points consult the manliest person you know or this Man: http://i726.photobucket.com/albums/ww270/thatdkid/1894283077_10a82a1a80.jpg He is Dick Masterson check out his website http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com See Also * Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. * Conn Iggulden * Mel Gibson * Bruce Willis * Arnold Schwarzenegger * Man Points Poster